Sorry Guys

Hello everyone, sorry for not posting for ages, I missed being here, but I rarely have the chance to post.

Got busted for restricting, binging and purging by my gf two weeks ago, and everything went tits up. She has threatened to leave. Now I have to eat three meals a day and am obliged to seek medical help. I don't want to, and I don't think I can cooperate with the doc.

I dunno.. Life is shit now... I am very annoyed and paranoid.
FML

Stay Strong and Skinny.
xxx

What a Horrible Day

We have really noisy neighbours that makes the entire house shakes. We have put up with them for 3 months and it really was the final straw on the camel's back this morning; hence I went round after work and had a word with them. the husband seemed perfectly nice and fine with it, apologised and stuff.
After about 5 mins, the wife came over, being all defensive about her psychotic children and complained that she could hear us too.
Although my gf was there when it all happened, she did nothing when I felt absolutely humiliated in my own house, which should be my comfort zone. I got a bit upset about it and said sth about it. Instead of comforting me, she said I was being silly and over reacted.
So, after this incident, I know that even though she claims that she loves me, she won't back me up in situations as such, and now I feel dirt cheap.
Wasn't going to binge today, but who's going to give a fuck about it. I hate myself, so I have done more damage to my stomach and throat, I am going to do more, cuz I don't care anymore.

Stay Skinny. xxx

Grrr!!!!!!

I had such a great start of the day, skipped breakfast, did some exercises on the exercise bike plus some floor exercise, had a lovely shower, walked my lovely puppies, went to town and bought protein shakes and bars. Sounds like a pretty good start, eh? (even though my gf got really angry when she saw the protein shakes and bars.)

Every effort went down the drain as soon as I had a third of that protein bar, I started binge.

I had:
a protein shake
50g of dried mangoes
4 eggwhites
100g of homemade chilli con carne + 1/4 of a wholemeal tortilla wrap + 10g of brown rice
50g of blueberries
half a packet of crisps (approximately 75g)
4 grissini sticks
nutella

I tried my very best to purge the crisps, grissini sticks and nutella out, but I know I haven't purged enough crisps or grissini sticks!! I am so annoyed and scared that my body might have got used to purging and it is refusing to do it anymore.

Also, I am meeting a frd that I haven't seen for years for supper tomorrow, the venue is about an hour drive from mine, so purging right after the meal is out of question. I will have to make sure that I order food that can be easily hidden and is low in fat and cal. god.. I am so anxious about it that I feel sick and want to cut!! I should have said no to supper!!!

I am looking forward to seeing one of my best frds on the coming friday though. She knows all about my ed and won't even try to make me eat, which is brilliant. Plus, I need someone to talk to about my problems and she is very understanding. My ed isn't sth that I can talk about with my gf as she will get really upset and angry. It heartbreaking to know that you are hurting someone who loves you a lot. I wish I was little again and didn't give a shit about calories and body weight.

Stay Strong and Skinny. xxx

Binged/ purged =(

Ate a tonne of shit today. Fml. It all started with mangoes, and I ended up having toffee popcorn, veggie soup, blueberries, a rich tea biscuit, a clementine, a granola bar, a blueberry muffin, chicken drumsticks, paella, crisps, and nutella.
All I could purge today was the chicken drumsticks, paella, crisps and nutella as I was at work. Luckily i have a exercise bike and a rowing machine at home; hence I could ride the bike for an hour and did some floor exercises after work. (I hate the gym you see, cuz I feel conscious when am surrounded by those toned bodies.) Anyway, will kick start my day off with an hour biking then floor exercise. Might go into town after that for sone protein shakes and bars.

Stay strong and skinny! Xxx

Fml

Just sitting on my bathroom floor binging on crisps after having fish and chips for supper. Going to purge after posting.

Realised that my life is a mess and Everything's tits up at the moment. Sorry about the rant. Hopefully tmr will be better.

Stay strong and skinny. Xxx

=]

This morning, when my gf woke up, the first thing she said was 'Baby, you are looking too skinny lately, I don't like it, you look skinnier than you were.'
What she said literally made my day and gave me more motivation to lose weight and restrict my intake.

Food log for today:

A pear - 51 kcal
A miso soup - 37 kcal
A small frozen yogurt - 94 kcal
100 g of blueberries - 57 kcal
Cups of Green tea - 0
1 Cup of tea with soya milk - 10 kcal

Total: 249 kcal!!!

Wayhey!! I worked all day as well, so it's a fantastic day I guess!!

Stay Strong and Skinny! xxx

Exhausted but Content

It has been a long day at work and I am totally exhausted after standing up and walking around all day, now my back is killing me. I am not that bothered though as standing up burns more calories than sitting down.

Even though my tummy bug is causing me quite a lot pain, I am loving it as the pain stops me from eating; hence I have lost some weight. My waistline has gone to a new low, and it's now 21.5 inches!!! yay!!!! I am happy, and my target is to get a 20 inch waist. I have to have a 20 inch waist.

Stay strong and skinny
xxx